Themes in conversation make me look deeper into why I believe what I saying.  So far this week, it has been “why do bad things happen?”  And - my answer for this is constantly evolving.

I will never forget one time I was asked this question – it was one night in Israel this past Christmas.  I brought up God in a conversation with a Russian-Jew I had just met.  She said that she could never believe in a God that would let bad things happen.  While I was collecting my thoughts, she began to tell me that Haifa, in Northern Israel, where we were, was a military base, and therefore a target during the past decades’ fight over the Holy Land.  

She said that, one morning on her way to school, a school bus filled with her friends and classmates from grammar school was hit by a bomb.  I could feel her disappointment and see her heart hardened from this tragedy.  Such horrific death and destruction, especially over something the World deems “religious” and therefore characteristic of God himself has potential to harden many hearts. 

Does God allow “bad” things to happen despite the hearts that will become hardened?  Does God actually plan for hardened hearts?  In the Old Testament, we see God harden King Saul’s heart, and Pharoh’s heart – and both of these ultimately brought His will and showed His compassion and sovereignty.  And, remember all of Jesus’ “plant parables?” (I love these!  The visuals help me make sense of what He is saying.)  

Jesus talks about the seed that lands on hard soil, and is unable to grow roots, and the weeds that grow up right next to the good plants – and look just like them.  We will not know until heaven who is a weed, or a good seed, or a seed that just couldn’t grow a foundation.  But we do know it’s true that “ALL things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)  So, I don’t understand why there are “bad” seeds, and I don’t understand why God allows some seed to fall on hardened soil, and  I don’t plan on understanding it – God has given me respect for the fact that He alone is God, and I am not – and therefore, I am incapable of understanding His ways. 

Thinking about it this week - I have had a change of heart or perspective - I am realizing how overwhelmingly grateful I am for all the mistakes the Lord has allowed me to make, and that I am in debt to those who have wronged me.  Those challenging people and situations challenge me in my faith, and challenge me to learn to love them.

Seriously though, who would I be without the trials I have been through – without the fire that the Lord has graciously used to refine my soul?   I thank everyone who has been unkind to me – it is a challenge to love you – and my pursuit of LOVE for you – has led me into God’s Word and into conversation with my Savior.  I praise God for all the mistakes I have made, the forgiveness He has shown me enables and challenges me to show that forgiveness to myself, and others.

And, while being refined isn't “fun” -  I am learning to rejoice in suffering and trials because it does, just as the Bible says, “produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:2-5)

So, I won’t pretend to know why “bad” things happen – but I will tell you that it has been my personal experience that God does not let anything go to waste – that He uses EVERYthing the good, bad, and the ugly to bring me back to Him.  And I praise Him for that.